Redneck Mormon
You might be a Redneck Mormon if...
-Your belt buckle has a temple on it.
-Your favorite pasttime is roping your polygamist friends.
-You take your scriptures line dancing with you.
-Your spurs were showing underneath your baptismal clothes.
-You yell "Giddianhi" to get your horse to trot.
-You wear a black raccoon mask, cape, and wave your sword wildly - calling yourself "The Mighty Zoram."
-Your morning prayers end with "And please bless Pa to stop his cussin'."
-Your dog's bark sounds like "Wilford WoodRuff."
-Your definition of "FHE" is "Family Hoedown Evenin'."
-You use your tractor license as a temple reccommend.
-Your Grandma's cookie jar is filled to the brim with chewed sunflower seed shells.
-The sign on your bishop's door reads "No more corn this week as a substitute for tithing...."
-You go home teaching in the tractor.
-You consider milking your cow named "Sariah" on Sunday as keeping the Sabbath Day holy
-You think that CTR stands for "Cowboys Take Risks."
-You invited Faith Hill to sing in Sacrament Meeting.
-You have seminary out in the barn.
-You used-ta-could say all 13 Articles of Faith.
-You plow your field in the shape of the tree of life.
-Your ex-girlfriend, mother-in-law, and 3rd cousin all have the same maiden name : "Young."
-Your brothers and sisters still share bunkbeds; all 7 of them.
-Your idea of an expensive date is taking the girl to a rodeo, then McDonalds for ice cream after.
-Your idea of a cheap date is watching the rodeo from the parking lot then McDonalds for water after.
-Fasting isn't hard as long as you can "just have a smell" of what Ma's cookin' for Sunday dinner.
-You pray before and after you watch the Superbowl (....and please bless Steve Young, our brother in the faith...)
-You've kissed 3 out of 5 of your sister's best friends at youth conference.
-You have a broken-legged donkey.
-You named your broken-legged donkey "Lemuel" - (Lame Mule)
-Your favorite primary song is "I hope they call me to Wyoming...where I can rope a cow er two..."
-Your Pa's last words to you before your mission were "Son, I'm proud of ya! Now baptize the H-- out of ‘em!"
-You've ever worn Wranglers to church.
-You can't wait for Wranglers to come back into style so you can wear them to church again.
-The Hog-Tie merit badge was required for your Eagle Scout Award.
-A team of oxen came with your new ‘BMW' (Big Mormon Wagon).
-Your favorite CO-ED college game is "I love you honey, but I just can't ‘Yee-haw...'"
-You sing "Grandma's Feather Bed" at every family reunion.
-You share that story about Grandpa surviving the bull stampede every time you bear your testimony.
- Submitted by: Cameron Scott - Sandy, Utah
Copyright 2009 by The Mormon Zone. All Rights Reserved.
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