Roswell Aliens Were Mormons!
CORONA, NM - Exclusive documents obtained this week by the Mormon Zone prove that two Martians captured by the US Government in 1947 were members of the LDS Church.
The shocking evidence raises new questions about the motivations of United States government officials in a decades-old conspiracy to cover up the true nature of incidents that happened near Roswell, New Mexico over 50 years ago.
Mormon Zone researchers uncovered the documents while investigating whether lime jello increases fertility. Nationwide lime jello consumption statistics showed a massive blip for the state of New Mexico during the month of June 1947. This consumption was eventually traced to a top secret military installation known as Area 51.
In the course of the lime-jello investigation, Freedom of Information requests led to the discovery of the massive cover-up at Roswell.
According to official US transcripts of alien interviews, on the afternoon of June 30th (the last day of the month), 1947, Brothers Hyrum F. Pratt and Frank T. Smith, both Mormon Martians and members of the Martian Highlands 6th Ward, were on a routine home teaching visit to a ward member who had established a small colony of Saints on the outskirts of the Foster Ranch in Corona, NM.
The companionship had been running 30 minutes late for the appointment (Standard Mormon Time), when upon emerging from a cloud bank, their space ship encountered and collided with a strange cylindrical object. This object was later discovered to have been a weather balloon launched from the government facilities at Area 51.
The collision caused the home teacher's space craft to lose altitude and crash in the New Mexico desert, instantly killing Smith. Pratt survived the crash by bracing himself with his triple combination, but was severely wounded and remained trapped for over 2 days until he was discovered by the ward member he had come to visit, a recent convert named Paul Dunbar.
In an attempt to save Pratt's life, Dunbar drove Pratt to the nearest medical facilities, located on the military base of Area 51.
An autopsy of Smith by medical personnel revealed that the circulatory fluids of Martians consisted almost entirely of lime jello. Using their new-found knowledge of Martian biology, doctors were able to restore Pratt to health using massive injections of the famous Mormon elixir.
Air Force officials immediately began a cover-up of the incident, hiding the evidence and taking Pratt in to military custody and confiscating the remains of his spaceship for driving without a valid license.
Details of what became of Pratt are still classified, but local Mormon folklore indicates the base officials, fearing a panic if the general public believed it was being invaded by Book-of-Mormon toting Home Teachers from Outer Space, had Pratt change his name and move to Utah, where he eventually became a famous Mormon senator.
This is a parody article intended for entertainment only and does not document real events or persons. In other words, this is fiction. Copyright 2009 by The Mormon Zone. All rights reserved.