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Our motto is: News is better when you make it up. New Vehicle Targets Large Families DEARBORN, MI - Ford Motor Company announced today it plans to build a new line of vehicles targeted at large mid-western families. The first model, to be called the "Mormavan", will reach the streets as early as this October and is expected to produce brisk sales throughout the LDS community. 
The Mormavan's roomy interior seats 20 and comes equipped standard with 67 drink holders, 3 car seats, a 12-way intercom system, and a Teen-Sound (tm) isolation chamber to allow simultaneous enjoyment of both "rock" and "easy-listening" stations. Options packages allow the standard seating to be extended to 24. Also available is the new People-Count system to allow drivers to quickly determine the number of passengers without having to resort to the "count-off" method currently used. Ford officials expect an updated version of this technology to be available by the end of the year that will help eliminate current problems with false detection of non-family members such as neighborhood kids and pets. Trading in Ford stock (F) today was mixed, with some investors concerned about an apparent design defect that may hurt sales. The standard Mormavan is 26 ft. long and may not fit in the average Mormon garage which is 24 ft. Other investors were not concerned. Said Charles Smith, a major Ford stockholder, "Mormons love to remodel. This may actually be a positive for sales. Besides, Mormons never use their garages for cars anyway."Editor's note: This article first appeared in the Mormon Zone on July 8, 1999. Sales have been brisk. This is a parody article intended for entertainment only and does not document real events or persons. In other words, this is fiction. Copyright 1999, 2009 by The Mormon Zone. All rights reserved. |
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