BYU Selects New Mascot
PROVO, UT - Brigham Young University officials announced today their decision to change the school's mascot. The previous mascot, Cosmo the Cougar, will be replaced by a new mascot, Barney the Dinosaur.
George Sportsman, a spokesman for the university's athletic department, explained, "Cosmo just wasn't cutting it. As a symbol, he was too sophisticated to be understood. Our research has shown that our new mascot will connect better with our fans."
The mascot replacement is part of more sweeping changes the school is making. "Our school colors are changing," claims Sportsman, "The BYU Dinos will now be wearing white and purple as they take the field of play."
Reaction from students about the change was mixed. Some students were in favor of the new mascot. "The is totally, totally, totally awesome," said Melanie Braithe, a blonde sophomore majoring in Elementary Education, "Barney is so cute - much more snuggly than Cosmo."
Other students were more skeptical. Some even rumored that Cosmo had been fired because of failure to adhere to the BYU dress code. "[The] standards [office] wanted him to shave off his whiskers" explained Mark Snargle, a BYU student athlete, "[Cosmo] refused, and they had to get someone else to represent the school."
BYU officials refused to comment on the allegation that Cosmo had been ousted for dress code violations. "It's our policy not to comment on such things," said Sportsman.
Editor's note: This article first appeared in the Mormon Zone on July 25, 1999. Football ticket sales have soared ever since.
This is a parody article intended for entertainment only and does not document real events or persons. In other words, this is fiction. Copyright 1999, 2009 by The Mormon Zone. All rights reserved.