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High Councilor's Talk Ends On Time

PROVO, UT - Members of the Provo 1,247th Ward were shocked today when their high councilor, Brother Edward Smith, finished his sacrament meeting talk on time, creating havoc and chaos for the rest of the Sunday meetings.

"This has never happened before," said Bishop Ron Partridge.  "All of our Sunday school teachers were left totally unprepared.  A few of them had not even bothered to show up yet when the meeting ended and we had to give them a call to wake them up and get them to come in."

No one has been able to explain the strange occurrence.  "The talk was proceeding normally, and it looked like the meeting would be the customary 35-40 minutes over," said Sister Margaret Mead, the 1247th ward Relief Society president.  "All of a sudden, Brother Smith's talk came to an end and everyone started to panic."

The unusual occurrence has some stake officials worried.  "We wouldn't want to have a precedent started," said Brother Brian Flapjack, a counselor in the stake presidency.  "It would be extremely difficult for most of our high councilors to function if this became the standard.  Our older brethren, in particular, need at least an hour to get warmed up to a subject."

Brother Smith's family was not available for comment.  However, Utah Valley Regional Medical Center has confirmed that Brother Smith has been admitted for evaluation, but claim he has shown no signs of any illness or mental disturbance.

On time ending of high councilors' talks are statistically very rare.  The last recorded incident occurred in May of 1972 in California.  It was attributed, however, to a fire in the chapel.

Editor's note: This article first appeared in the Mormon Zone on July 4, 1999. There have been no repeat occurences of an on-time completion of a high councilor's talk since then.

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This is a parody article intended for entertainment only and does not document real events or persons.  In other words, this is fiction.  Copyright 1999, 2009 by The Mormon Zone.  All rights reserved.