Big Macs Banned by Word of Wisdom
SALT LAKE CITY – Rumors are swirling that the LDS Church is set to add Big Macs to the list of items that are prohibited by the Word of Wisdom, the church's 176-year old health code.
The proposed health code change comes amid record consumption of Big Macs in many LDS communities. At current consumption rates, it is projected that Big Macs will soon surpass lime jello as the food most widely consumed by Mormons.
"We realize that many people consider Big Macs to be healthy," said one senior church official, who wished to remain anonymous until a formal announcement is made at the church's next General Conference, "but the same ideas prevailed about tobacco over 150 years ago. We believe the science will eventually catch up."
Sales of Big Macs in Utah have dropped 24% over the past two weeks as news of the change has leaked. Local McDonalds franchise owners have expressed little concern, however. Said one owner, "We make most of our money from drinks, and Coke sales remain historically high, particularly in Utah County."
It is uncertain what impact, if any, the Big Mac ban will have on a contract signed last month between the LDS church and McDonalds. The contract makes the fast food giant the sole provider of cafeteria services to LDS temples along the Wasatch front.
Editor's Note: The Mormon Zone was tipped off to this story by Jeff, a reader from Connecticut who is that state's largest consumer of Big Macs. If you know of important LDS news that is not being covered by the mainstream media, please send us a tip.
This is a parody article intended for entertainment only and does not document real events or persons. In other words, this is fiction. Copyright 2009 by The Mormon Zone. All rights reserved.